Annual Gift Giving Man
December has crashed into our lives once more, like an out of control semi-trailer bursting into our living room. You know it's Christmas time because even the biggest couch potatoes are a bit hesitant in turning on the telly for fear of being bombarded with nonsense ('Don't know what to give your mother for Christmas? Why not get her an 18-gallon drum of liquid paper?'), women tend to avoid guys like me around mistletoes and you need to go to hospital to get your stomach pumped because this year's eggnog contained a lethal amount of absinthe and Bacardi 151.
I don't remember when society became as bitter and cynical as we are these days. As a child most of us were teary-eyed as we watched E.Scrooge repent for the sins he committed. We felt for Tiny Tim. Now we make jokes about the cripples and the less fortunate (e.g.; What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas? Leukaemia). We try to make amends for our selfish little lives, balancing out 350-whatever odd days of bad behaviour for one day of present giving sentimental crud. We try to score with work colleagues at Christmas parties. It used to be about elves and reindeer. Oh, and Jesus too I suppose.
As for the big man himself... Children like it when strange men come down chimneys with a sack full of stuff. He's the same guy (they tell you) that you saw at the mall. The guy with alcoholic fumes who parents hope has undergone a thorough police background check. Now we realise it's a bit of a scam. Santa doesn't do squat. He gets paid to hang around all year- DELEGATES the supposed one day a year job to Dads around the world (Your mother and father are waaaay down the Clause hierarchy- below even the pissiest little elf) and lives off venison and a fat government check.
Well, it'll be over soon so don't worry. I've learned to repress this time of the year. Actually, repress most of my life, but let's not digress. Hope it's been a good one, I thank you all for the company we've shared, the times we've had. There'll be more drinking stories I'm sure (unless I get hit by a bus in the next few hours) and even for those who I don't have the pleasure of seeing often..those overseas and those who don't reply to e-mails, it's good to have been part of your life, however brief or annoying for you.
One for me, one for my homies,
Fatman
I don't remember when society became as bitter and cynical as we are these days. As a child most of us were teary-eyed as we watched E.Scrooge repent for the sins he committed. We felt for Tiny Tim. Now we make jokes about the cripples and the less fortunate (e.g.; What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas? Leukaemia). We try to make amends for our selfish little lives, balancing out 350-whatever odd days of bad behaviour for one day of present giving sentimental crud. We try to score with work colleagues at Christmas parties. It used to be about elves and reindeer. Oh, and Jesus too I suppose.
As for the big man himself... Children like it when strange men come down chimneys with a sack full of stuff. He's the same guy (they tell you) that you saw at the mall. The guy with alcoholic fumes who parents hope has undergone a thorough police background check. Now we realise it's a bit of a scam. Santa doesn't do squat. He gets paid to hang around all year- DELEGATES the supposed one day a year job to Dads around the world (Your mother and father are waaaay down the Clause hierarchy- below even the pissiest little elf) and lives off venison and a fat government check.
Well, it'll be over soon so don't worry. I've learned to repress this time of the year. Actually, repress most of my life, but let's not digress. Hope it's been a good one, I thank you all for the company we've shared, the times we've had. There'll be more drinking stories I'm sure (unless I get hit by a bus in the next few hours) and even for those who I don't have the pleasure of seeing often..those overseas and those who don't reply to e-mails, it's good to have been part of your life, however brief or annoying for you.
One for me, one for my homies,
Fatman
posted by Fatman | 7:40 pm
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