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Saturday, January 31, 2004

Australian Idle

Reasons for not writing any Fat-a-grams this year:
It's not you, it's me.
January has been extremely unproductive. It's almost at the end of it and I still haven't done anything worthwhile. Of course it's just as easy to lump that comment to encompass the entirety of my life but, let's not and say we did.

Silence of the Ham:
This coming Monday and Tuesday I'm intending to take a vow of silence for a full 48-hour period as a vague spiritual excercise. Just to see if I can. To see the world through the eyes of a mime should be hilarious for the first five minutes, then tedious for the next 47 Hours 55 minutes, but I'll give it a shot. Those of you wishing to take the p.iss are welcome to do so but just remember my Marcel Marceau (sp?) act does not prevent me from lashing out violently and causing damage to the persons responsible.

Underworld-a review.
Films need two things to ensure it is cool. a) Vampires and b) guns. 'Underworld' has both. 'Underworld' has Kate Beckinsdale. 'Underworld' has werewolves. Is it worth shelling out 'dead presidents' to see on the big screen? I'd say it is. It's not abismal as the Wesley Snipes crud-fest 'Blade' but nor is it 'From Dusk Till Dawn'. (There are those of you who hated 'From Dusk Till Dawn'- I can live with that, but please send in your details so I may erase you from my life)
Story goes like thus, There has been a war between werewolves and vampires for yonks. I mean a really long time, like 600 years or something, making the Hundred Years War seem like....a sixth of how long the slug match has been going on for. The Lychens (the guys suffering from lychanthrope, the werewolf disease. Not to be mistaken for Lichen.) can and do morph in and out of their respective shapes at a cost known only to the producers of the film. Not being absolute animals they also wield guns with cool, glowing UV-something bullets. These guys are after a certain human (Scott Speedman) who is delegated to the role of 'Huh? What's happening? Vampires? Werewolves? etc.' The vampires have grown decadent and snooty, hanging around castles in ball gowns, reading Anne Rice and downing glasses of red. All except for a few, like Kate who have taken the costume tips from 'The Matrix'. There is then a 'breathtaking' battle that lasts most of the film, the likes of which hasn't! been seen since the B-Grade Hammer glory days (Dracula vs. The Wolf Man).

Please excuse me, I need to get a life,


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