Uneasy Alliance
I'm in a wooden crate labelled 'Ace Tomato Company' in the cargo hold of a plane heading to China. With me is the Man with the Perfect Hair- who still hasn't told me what his name is-looking extremely relaxed. Right now he's inspecting his fingernails for any traces of dirt.
'As long as we're going to be stuck in this wooden crate for some time along with the chicken and livestock do you mind telling me what the hell is going on?'
'Most of the information you require is classified.'
'Well, what isn't classified? Who am I going to be working for? CIA? MI6?'
'Both.'
'It's a joint operation? You serious? I thought you guys shared the occasional bit of information and that was about it.'
' There's been a few joint operations that have been quite successful. Overthrowing Mohammed Mossadeq, Patrice Lumumba, etc.'
'When was that? The 50's? 60's?'
'Admittedly there are a few operations that I'm not at liberty to mention. Official Secrets Act and all that. And your average CIA operative thinks that the SIS is filled with communist homosexuals and your average SIS man thinks that the CIA give away state secrets for blowjobs from Malaysian hookers. So apart from the odd bit of distrust, repressed hatred, mild xenophobia and the belief that one agency is far superior than the other, everything is peachy.'
The plane shudders a little from the turbulence and banks a little to the left. A cow moos, defecates.
I keep thinking that the two agencies are like an old married couple who can't stand each other but come from an era where divorce is not a viable option. So they bicker a lot, hide things from each other and have built a strong resistance to arsenic just in case things get ugly.
The result of a wasted life,
Fatman
'As long as we're going to be stuck in this wooden crate for some time along with the chicken and livestock do you mind telling me what the hell is going on?'
'Most of the information you require is classified.'
'Well, what isn't classified? Who am I going to be working for? CIA? MI6?'
'Both.'
'It's a joint operation? You serious? I thought you guys shared the occasional bit of information and that was about it.'
' There's been a few joint operations that have been quite successful. Overthrowing Mohammed Mossadeq, Patrice Lumumba, etc.'
'When was that? The 50's? 60's?'
'Admittedly there are a few operations that I'm not at liberty to mention. Official Secrets Act and all that. And your average CIA operative thinks that the SIS is filled with communist homosexuals and your average SIS man thinks that the CIA give away state secrets for blowjobs from Malaysian hookers. So apart from the odd bit of distrust, repressed hatred, mild xenophobia and the belief that one agency is far superior than the other, everything is peachy.'
The plane shudders a little from the turbulence and banks a little to the left. A cow moos, defecates.
I keep thinking that the two agencies are like an old married couple who can't stand each other but come from an era where divorce is not a viable option. So they bicker a lot, hide things from each other and have built a strong resistance to arsenic just in case things get ugly.
The result of a wasted life,
Fatman
posted by Fatman | 1:21 pm
3 Comments:
Might I be the first to say that this is good stuff. Really. And coming from a long-suffering supporter of JC Leviathan et al, the fact that my enjoyment of your little spy story is overshadowing my disappointment at the untimely fate of JC should say a lot.
Although having said that, I've learned from previous experience that praise for your stories has the potential to encourage you to get comfortable, take a short break from writing, which turns into a long break, which turns into a writers block, which hurts us all.
So, the spy-thing blows. Keep it up.
Cheers Anonymous. The spy thing will get better. I know vaguely where it's going to go...I mean, I remember how things went five or six years ago. Now that I've introduced the Fratboys the stories will kick up a few notches. Or should if I stay off the meds for long enough.
Fat
p.s. re: LEVIATHAN. The writing part was actually fairly easy. But this was back in the days when I didn't have easy access to the internet so it was costing me heaps of time and money to write the stupid frickin' thing. I'm still doing things that pertain to LEVIATHAN (ie. Where is this spy caper heading to? Stay tuned!) but for the most part there's little more I can say about the subject matter (frightened townsfolk running from squid/lobster/Jesus-fish monster crying 'Mein Gott!', 'Help!', 'Great Ceasar's Ghost!'* etc. gets dull after a while)
* Actual subtitles from old Godzilla movies. Oh yes. I do my research for these sad little stories.
Ha! "Communist homosexuals." Such agencies are typically brimming with fetishists who practice perversions not yet invented, some of which are impossible for most people to imagine. They are the sexual equivalents of surreal MC Escher paintings, Mobius bands, vase faces, and other things that the human mind finds impossible to follow from multiple angles simultaneously.
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