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Wednesday, June 04, 2003

Musings of a Fat, Lazy Rat

It's exodus baby. My time on Queensberry street is finally coming to an end.
Maybe it's sheer laziness, but more often than not I find myself being the last rat to desert sinking ships. The largely spontaneous (sp?) move was prompted by "Fly-by-Night" Jimmy the Swede, who pulled out and left the country without paying rent. The girls are seriously considering leaving without paying, which would mean that the hot potato will firmly be in the mitts of yours truly.

This is why I loathe to put pen to paper to sign anything. Forms, lease agreements, petitions, statutory declarations, etc. etc. Most things have a price. Not that being hounded by debt collectors, loan sharks and repo men doesn't carry with it a certain, romantic, white-trash charm but... I'm sure there's got to be a downside to watching your back, steering clear of major cities and faking your own death every decade or so.

Some things to do before leaving;
1. Hock the rest of Jimmy's furniture. A pitiful collection- a pair of boots, a Nathan Buckley poster ( we're using that as a dart board at the moment), a chair, a Milan Kundera novel.
2. Give the fridge a decent "burial". This white beast is truly on its last legs. The only humane thing to do is to cram it with C4 and detonate the bastard. Send it to White Goods Heaven.
3. There is a mouse that has more lives than Fidel Castro. It has survived numerous assasination attempts- maybe it would be polite to leave him some food- a nod to the nigh on immortal rodent adversary that has made Stacia's life a living hell (Her piercing shriek has woke me up from numerous deep slumbers).

On Moving in with Micah- the brother from another mother:
There will be a drop in the level of conversation. At Queensberry we discuss politics, enviromental issues (yawn), education, censorship, literature, yadda, yadda, yadda. With Micah we tend to talk about when best to use a "red shell" on Mario Kart 64. The fact also that there will be three lads living under the same roof. Currently there is a Ying/ Yang, 50-50 female to male ratio which balances the testosterone/ estrogen content of the household. The last time I entered an 'all-male' household our sanitary habits deteriorated, laughter was has, a band was formed. Then the inevitable. Women were involved, the band broke up, people left angrily, guys got married, moved to Canada. What the hell is wrong with people? I'm not saying 'fuck 'em, feed them fruit loops' but... I digress.
To those who have, or about to take the plunge sober I say watch 'Old School' currently playing at a cinema near you.

Laugh loud, Love your friends, picture eternity as a near-death moment,


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