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Monday, April 05, 2004

The Grim Reaper rides Shotgun

My first car accident,
Death is on the passenger's side
by S.Heazlewood, a.k.a. Fatman.

The '98 Barina has been in my possesion for about a week. It's green, you can pop the top off it during the summertime without having to use a power saw and now it has a scratch on the front of it. Not much of a scratch. No sir.
Now the van that I hit on the other hand has a '98 Barina-like dent on the left hand side and a driver named 'Dave'. 'Dave' and I will be on the phone quite frequently I imagine, talking about cars. Specifically his van and my car.
And insurance.
Or lack thereof.
And things like plummeting ratings.
I can't believe it's only been two hours or so ago that I made the mistake of returning a dvd on time (likely penalty $7.50) just to hit a goddamn van (likely penalty $450-$700). And, if I haven't mentioned this earlier, it's a van. How do you miss a van in your rear vision mirror? It's a van! I had no idea the blind spot would be so massive. When 'Dave' got out of his van and asked what happened all I could think of saying was that the sun was in my eyes. 'At least I didn't crash into your wife and kids and therefore leaving you alone in this vale of tears. Ha ha.' Dead silence. 'Dave' mentions something along the lines of only having the van for two weeks.

This is generally what happens when I try to park cars

I always imagined something like this would happen a lot earlier in my driving life. My driving instructor was a nervous English guy called Chris who seemed to flinch anytime I changed lanes. His habit of staggering out of the car after the lesson and kissing the ground, tears in his eyes was a bit ridiculous I thought, but now I know he was forseeing days like these.

There really is no good news or anything funny to report this week but I thought you guys might enjoy a snippet of the continuing tragedy I call my life.

One accident down, how many more to go?


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