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Monday, September 19, 2005

For All You Lubbers Out There

Dwight ( Chris Williams): We're still missing the teenage love puppy and Steve the Pirate.
Owen ( Joel David Moore): Who's Steve the Pirate?
Dwight: The only guy on our team that dresses like a pirate!
Owen: There's a guy on our team dressed like a pirate?

from Dodgeball

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that all the troubles in the world stem from the lack of people who dress like pirates. There. It's said. And I stand by every word. Where was my frickin' pirate horde this year huh? What the HELL is wrong with you people. What a woeful turn out for this years' 'International Talk Like a Pirate Day'. Truly dismal. It was me and Free Beer sitting around in a nigh on empty bar. Oh, and Gus who had been unaware of the Pirate Day. Not that he'd ever join.

'Arrrrrr. I be feelin' mighty foolish.' grumbled Free Beer, a.k.a. Captain Morgan.
'I too lad,' says I.
'If you ask me you two look like a couple of idiots,' says Gus. Nobody asked him. Nobody had to.

To be honest I'd had to borrow Free Beer's pirate hat as I'd lent my pirate gear to my mum earlier this year. She came over to my house one day and was saying she had to go to a fancy dress party as a pirate and was wondering how she would manage that on such a short notice.

'Would you like to borrow my pirate costume mum?'
'You have a....pirate costume?' she asked. Then burst into tears. She refers to me as her Beautiful Mistake.

It's pre-t-t-t-y obvious that none of you have embraced the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I'm going to put a link to the site that clearly demonstrates that what the world really needs now is more pirates. Thanks Rorschach for the heads up.

The Worst Pirate You've Never Heard Of,

(Ten Days Before Eviction)


Anonymous Hoops said...

Arrr, I feel your pain Haze. I work at Mojo's Weird Pizza's on Monday nights and we'd been building up Talk Like A Pirate Day for ages. I went out earlier that day and bought hooks, cutlasses, eyepatches and bandana's for everyone at work. I even took in my TV and video and a bunch of pirate stuff to watch (including Roman Polanski's Pirates, with Walter Matthau look frighteningly like Saddam Hussein. You gotta see it!)

The TV never went on. Most of the hooks and cutlasses sat in a pile in the corner. And I was banned from the phone after answering a call with "Arrr matey, ye've reached Mojo's, home of the weirdest pizza in the land. Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day to ye. How can this salty old sea dog be of service?"

Very disappointing. This is not a joke people. Go to the Flying Spaghetti Monster site and have a look. The world needs pirates!

4:25 pm  
Blogger Fatman said...

It is a crying shame Hoops. I remember last year Talk Like a Pirate Dat descended slowly into Talk Like a Drunk Irish Guy due to the insane quantity of rum guzzled and we'd been honing our pirate talk for all this time. Let me tell ya another thing- the pre-emptive text on the mobile phone does NOT favour pirates. Where's 'Avast' in the pre-emptive mode? Where's 'keel-haul', 'landlubber', 'scruvey'? Bastards. Obviously September 19th was not a 'high enough priority' for the Man. Anyway, next time I order a weird pizza from Mojo's I'll demand to talk to a pirate.

4:16 am  

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