For All You Lubbers Out There
Owen ( Joel David Moore): Who's Steve the Pirate?
Dwight: The only guy on our team that dresses like a pirate!
Owen: There's a guy on our team dressed like a pirate?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that all the troubles in the world stem from the lack of people who dress like pirates. There. It's said. And I stand by every word. Where was my frickin' pirate horde this year huh? What the HELL is wrong with you people. What a woeful turn out for this years' 'International Talk Like a Pirate Day'. Truly dismal. It was me and Free Beer sitting around in a nigh on empty bar. Oh, and Gus who had been unaware of the Pirate Day. Not that he'd ever join.
'Arrrrrr. I be feelin' mighty foolish.' grumbled Free Beer, a.k.a. Captain Morgan.
'I too lad,' says I.
'If you ask me you two look like a couple of idiots,' says Gus. Nobody asked him. Nobody had to.
To be honest I'd had to borrow Free Beer's pirate hat as I'd lent my pirate gear to my mum earlier this year. She came over to my house one day and was saying she had to go to a fancy dress party as a pirate and was wondering how she would manage that on such a short notice.
'Would you like to borrow my pirate costume mum?'
'You have a....pirate costume?' she asked. Then burst into tears. She refers to me as her Beautiful Mistake.
It's pre-t-t-t-y obvious that none of you have embraced the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I'm going to put a link to the site that clearly demonstrates that what the world really needs now is more pirates. Thanks Rorschach for the heads up.
The Worst Pirate You've Never Heard Of,
(Ten Days Before Eviction)