fatman Find the clues!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Lame Attempt At Getting My Friend Zoe To Come Out For A Few Drinks The Other Day

Zoe: I really can't.

Me: You really should.

Zoe: I really, really can't.

Me: You're a wuss.

Zoe: Yep.

Me: Why not?

Zoe: Because I have to play netball and finish a 2,500 word essay.

Me: We can find you a substitute for netball. Does it have to be a female netball player?

Zoe: No.

Me: I'll pay a wino to take your place. You may have to give him a back rub later though.

Zoe: Ugh.

Me: I'll write your essay for you.

Zoe: 2,500 words?

Me: Yep.

Zoe: It's about Isadora Duncan. What do you know about Isadora Duncan?

Me: Heaps.

Zoe: You're lying. You don't even know who she is.

Me (defensively) : I do so.

Zoe: Go on.

Me: She...was the founder of Dunkin' Donuts?

Zoe: Not even close.


Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

Who's she trying to kid? It takes 15 minutes to write an essay with wikipedia and other stuff on the web.
You should have asked: "Is it because I am fat/ugly/hairy?" That would have shamed her into coming. Girls don't like to appear shallow.

3:42 pm  
Blogger Yawn said...

Introduce her to anal sex. That's the solution. If anal sex doesn't work, then introduce her to cocaine. Then introduce her to anal sex. Rub a little of that powder on her bunghole, make it go numb and receptive.

This girl's a prize. Play dirty if that's what it takes to win the prize. And I mean REALLY dirty. Nothing like the word from a man whose prick is coated in shit from buttfucking. Tease it out of her all frothy like. Squelch it up to more moisture. Make her squirt in the fire.

1:39 pm  
Blogger Fatman said...

GB- Tell me about it. I was a B-Grade average student at school because I'd be writing essays in the dying minutes before I had to hand it in. But now with the Internet you can whip up something semi-coherent in twenty minutes tops. Who cares about research? Some sucker has probably already done it for you and made up a fan site.

Yawn- Anal sex is your solution to everything. Zoe is kind of like a friend's kid sister. I met her when she was 16 and although she's 22 or 23 now she's permanently 16 in my mind. The first few times we went drinking together I was aghast that she consumed alcohol and had to restrain myself from slapping the drink out of her hands.

2:35 pm  
Blogger Yawn said...

No stinky on the pinky for you then. AND it's too late to rob the cradle. But yes, sodomy is a very unique and creative solution to many of life's problems. Not only that, it sometimes works....especially on herreroids, as aopposed to himmorroids. Sorry I can't spell today.

12:23 am  
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3:27 am  

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