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Friday, May 07, 2004

Not ANOTHER Fat Blog

(Downloaded from my brain to your Hearts)

Believe me when I say this; There Is Nothing Happening In My Life Right Now. I have been accosted on the streets of Melbourne in the last few weeks by people on my address book for not sending my shennigans frequently enough. I have been spat on, cussed at, given a wedgie and repetedly kicked in the groin for not writing. These Fat-a-grams are not weekly pieces. The only guys who write back to me, incidentally, are the Message Delivery Failure people who without fail correspond to every outgoing e-mail. So this one goes out to you.

Top 10 Reasons I Haven't Written an E-mail for a while:

1. I'd rather stare at the rotting, putrid flesh of the babes on zombiepinup.com. (an actual site)

2. This is pathetic. I can't think of anything past number 2.

3. Hey, did I forward that e-mail where there's a list and there is no number 9? Ha ha. That was funny. Maybe I should do THAT. Then I'd only have to think of six more things.

4. Getting off the topic briefly, but I found out that there exists a Klingon Bible. Who would actually translate the Bible into a dialect spoken only by the very few at sci-fi conventions? Who would read these tomes? Trekkie Christians?

5. I went to see Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. Cool flick. Written by Mr. Charles Kaufman, one of the only celebrity scriptwriters who has edged into our consciousness with hits like Being John Malkovitch and Adaptation. Despite having Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet it is a mature film dealing with love, loss, chilhood and the choices we make. Jim Carrey plays a guy who has discovered the love of his life (Winslet) has undergone surgery to erase him from her mind. Seeing that he too is suffering from incredible heartbreak, he undergoes the same procedure. It is here when the film kicks in. Thumbs up.

6. I took the Lovemobile (a.k.a. my Barina) to the panel beaters. They are beating panels as I write. Most of the money I earn will go to them so I can't afford internet cafes.

7. Our landline is still cut off due to the bastards at Telstra (a.k.a. the Man) getting annoyed we didn't pay them for three months. Therefore no internet access from home.

8. I'm deciding on what number ten should be. I usually resort to the cheap excuses I kept since High School. ie, the sun was in my eyes, the dog ate it, my grandmother is very ill(again). Some kids at school killed off their 'grandmothers' too early. You should never do that- in a ficticious or actual sense. The sick 'grandmother' needs to be tended to frequently and when the weather is good.

10. The dog ate it.

And that's it for me folks.

Art does nothing,


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