fatman Find the clues!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Say 'Hi' to My Little Friend

Outside the historic 19th century warehouse building that has recently been converted into the City Library of Melbourne, which is a great place to spend a few hours reading comi...I mean books, on the footpath on the corner of Degraves street and Flinders lane, is a ( presumably) out-of-work opera singer busking. He has been turning up recently and blaring out songs for hours on end. Being a non-opera kind of guy they all sound like the Nessun Dorma aria from Puccini's Turandot to me but I do know that it sounds pretty funky amongst the yelling of caffeine junkies who are shouting for their soy mocchachinos.

It must be hard to irk out a living sometimes when you're a specialist in such a niche market like opera singing or ferret removal. It forces you to join a gang I think. At one time the guys you shouldn't mess with were the four tenors- Jose Carreras, Placebo Domingo, Luciano Pavarotti and Ringo. But recently I read somewhere that there's a new gang in the 'hood- the Ten Tenors. I don't think these guys are messing around anymore. It's a lot easier to get bullied into buying their Cd's when there's ten of these f-ckers pushing you around in a record store and threatening to shatter all the glassware that you have. Over your head. I'm getting off track and on to 'Lesbian Brawl' territory so I'll move on.

Where was I going with all that? That's right; Niche Market. Like tap dancing perhaps? I've been waiting in anticipation for Hi the Tap Dancer to drop in a resume with the eagerness of a kid awaiting his package of x-ray goggles or sea monkeys. And it finally arrived. A few corrections. He's Vietnamese not Thai. You spell his name 'Hai' and not 'Hi'. Some highlights of his resume include...
(1994-96) Self-practise in Michael Jackson's dancing techniques. ( So you've watched music videos and danced along. Why put that in a freaking resume?) (From 2000) Absorbing life-style, culture, music, dances, performing arts and practising French in Paris. ( In short- bumming around. Incidentally France is probably the best place to practise French, especially if you don't like the prospect of starving.)
Work Experience:
(1995-1999) Performing and teaching Waves, Robot, Rap and training Michael Jackson's techniques for 4 years. ( Cool! He can do the Robot. That's awesome! Why does he keep bringing up Michael Jackson?)
Great compliments, love from teachers, staff, directors at BDC ( Broadway Dance Centre) and fellow students and audiences ( That's all well and good but it's not exactly work experience).
Hai in tux dancing. Hai in tux dancing with an umbrella.

Now, the biggest obstacle to the tap dancer would be the bar owner "Roy". "Roy", although very likable, is an extremely hard man to get hold of. He has a very hectic schedule coupled with a severely short attention span. Talking to "Roy"l is like pitching a concept to a busy Hollywood producer: 25 words or less. Trying to pry money out of "Roy" is another problem. Although he owns two bars that make enough money to buy a plush BMW he seems to be hounded by people he owes money to constantly. He always keeps a wary eye on the door and leaves rooms via the window. Before the arrival of Piglet one of the office girls, very new at the job, unwittingly connected a phone call to "Roy". The person on the other line had been chasing an old debt from 1998.

I go to the office for a meeting with "Roy". I find him scribbling absently on the back of someones resume. He looks up. Holding up an envelope he asks ' Do you think I can re-use this stamp? You can hardly tell it's been used.'
'Maybe. There's a few work-related things I need to talk to you about but firstly: There's a tap dancer who put in this resume just recently.'
'Yeah, Piglet showed me. Let's give him a trial. Tap dancers make me happy.'

I wonder if mocking someone for what they do make me a bad person.

Hung like Sammo,


Blogger Ash Karreau said...

I believe that hiring a Viet Cong tap dancer to work in an Australian bar is the fifth seal of the Apocalypse. Be wary, my friend.

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