Borsch, Vodka and Porn

Four days in to the new year and I awake from a dream where I'm trying to learn Russian through cheap Siberian porn and later (in the dream) I'm involved in a nasty trampoline accident. There's also a vague recollection of talking rhinoceri*. The trampoline thing is a recurring nightmare that can be ascribed to eating too much brie before going to bed. The 'learning Russian through pornography' portion of the dream definitely pertains to the (hopefully) upcoming Trans-Siberian railway journey. On waking up I realise how useless phrases such as;

-My left testicle likes you too
-Ooh, aah
-Do me on the conveyor belt
-Is that a Kalashnikov in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
-Harder! Harder!
-Of course you can bring your sister(s)
-A gymnast for the Olympic team you say?
-Bondage gear makes my skin chafe
-I think I dislocated my shoulder while making sex with your auntie.

are. But I'm fully up now and realize that phrases learnt from grainy Siberian sex videos will only get me so far in Russia and only in certain situations.

Cunning linguist (boy that joke's past the use-by date)
Fatman





*From the Online Etymology Dictionary:

rhinoceros
c.1300, from L. rhinoceros, from Gk. rhinokeros, from rhinos "nose" (a word of unknown origin) + keras "horn." Shortened form rhino is first attested 1884.
"What is the plural of rhinoceros?
... Well, Liddell and Scott seem to authorize 'rhinocerotes,' which is pedantic, but 'rhinoceroses' is not euphonious." [Sir Charles Eliot, "The East Africa Protectorate," 1905]