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Saturday, March 05, 2005

A Marriage made in Hell

Tall, Good-Looking Dan came into the bar not long ago. He's a nice enough guy though a little bit weird. He calls me Sheriff. He has grand schemes that always seem to fall through. He manages to bed a whole lot of women despite the words that come out of his lips - i.e.
Tall, Good-Looking Dan: Hey Sheriff! Come over here and meet my new friend.
Me: Hi.
Girl: Tee-hee.
T.G.L.Dan: Hasn't she got the most beautiful eyes?
Me: Sure. ( To Girl) You have very beautiful eyes.
Girl: Tee-Hee.
T.G.L.Dan: Yeah. Yeah they are soooo beautiful. I just want to POP! Pop them out of their sockets and put them in a jar so I can have them watch me all night long.
Girl: .....
Me: ( Gesturing that I have no idea what the f-ck he's talking about either)

The Jesus Freak is also at the bar, muttering to himself and drinking his third beer. He is drunk out of his mind. He needs a housemate. Dan is looking for a house. They get talking.

My attention lay elsewhere at the time but several times I was distracted by comments along the lines of '...that's a Great idea!' and 'Is that all you pay in rent?' and 'In Prahan you say?' along with some friendly back slapping and vigorous hand shaking.

Jesus Freak goes to the toilet. Tall, Good-Looking Dan says to me 'Guess who may have got himself a new house?'. I spit my drink and stammer 'Y...you're actually thinking about moving in with the Jesus Freak? Are you insane?'
Tall, Good-Looking Dan replies 'C'mon, it'll only be for a few months. Besides I've lived in worse accommodation when I had my Hell time up in Sydney. I've lived with junkies and male prostitutes who would be shooting up and f-cking clients on my bed.'
'So? That sounds like a picnic compared to living with the Jesus Freak. I'd rather be Jewish and living in Buchenwald circa 1940's.'

He has no idea what he's in for,


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