fatman Find the clues!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Please Tell Me I've Been Dining On Poisoned Fish

A new scientific study in the journal Clinical Toxicology reports on two men who suffered long, bad trips after eating Sarpa salpa fish in Mediterranean restaurants. This kind of hallucinogenic fish poisoning, called Ichthyoallyeinotoxism, was previously only reported in the Indo Pacific.
From Practical Fish Keeping, April 19th 2006

Everyone has a different way of conquering writer's block. Apparently the German poet and philosopher Friedrich von Schiller could only concentrate on work with his feet on a block of ice and inhaling the fumes of rotten apples. But then again that might just have been a German thing. Others approach writer's block by writing about writer's block. Which seems idiotic and annoying. My personal approach is to...

a) Look at Elisha Cuthbert images on the internet.

b) Stare blankly at the screen while George W. Bush's corpse falls endlessly down an impossible landscape of bubbles, his dead, bovine eyes staring into oblivion (Thanks J.J.Botts for that screensaver. Does it come in John Howard?)

c) Read things.

Ultimately I think reading things is the best way. The more you read the more you want to write and the more you write the more you want to read. When I can't be bothered actually reading books (always) I turn to fellow bloggers because it's cheaper and they tend to have normal lives (except for lion tamers and bomb disposal experts)that is fun to read about. Some of the people I read are great but they only update once a month (I'm staring directly at you Yawn when I say this). Some I have just discovered exist today( Again, I had no idea Broadzilla). But the blog I turn to on a daily basis would have been the 16mm Shrine.

Which I find out is now closing shop indefinitely.

The movie review blog from Hell, I'd read this before, I-shit-you-not, my own emails because I knew it'd be more amusing than most things my friends would send me (Penis Enlargements? No thanks). I can honestly say that the 16mm Shrine made me want to be a better writer. And it gave me a good place to unleash all my dead prostitute jokes that I keep to myself. I'll bid Ash a fond adieu and plonk a Bill Hicks quote right at the end of this post that probably sums up how he may be feeling:

"Well folks, this is a sentimental evening for me -- this is my final live performance. The last I'll ever do ever. No biggie, no hard feelings, no sour grapes whatsoever. I've been doing this every day for sixteen years and I enjoyed every second of it. Every plane flight. Every delay. Every cancelled flight. Every lost lost luggage. Living in hotel rooms. Every broken relationship. Playing the Comedy Pouch in Possum Ridge Arkansas every fuckin' year- it's been great. Don't get me wrong. I'm just very tired, very tired of doing comedy, very tired of seeing your vacant faces staring back at me wanting me to fill your empty lives with humour you couldn't possibly think of yourselves."

You don't just wake up with a body like this,
Fatman

7 Comments:

Anonymous broadzilla said...

Thanks, Fatman - as usual, you've summed it up better than I ever could.

And don't worry about not having discovered my blog earlier - it won't affect our shallow and inconsequential internet relationship. Much.

6:07 pm  
Blogger Semi said...

Why is there no email adress to send complaints, hate-mail and bomb-threats to?

As I can't get access to your number: Ms. S's surprise birthday drinks tomorrow (the 27th) at the Gin Palace at 7:30. If you can pass this on to people you think should know that I might have missed: ie Mel, Vic etc.

Oh yeah, I have placed a bomb under your blog...

10:03 am  
Blogger Fatman said...

Broadzilla- I love our shallow and inconsequential relationship. But now, instead of me being the test subject on the wrong side of a one-way mirror, I get to see your life in all it's glory.

Rorschach- I don't like posting my email address in case I get contacted by freaks. I realise now that some freaks, like your good self, may have valuable information to impart (ie. Drinks with crazy ex-housemates). I'd love to be there....but I have to work that evening (going on twelve straight days in a row. Thanks God). Perhaps afterwards?

12:42 pm  
Anonymous broadzilla said...

It should already be obvious that there's no glory in my life, Fatman.

Your life, on the other hand, sounds quite thrilling - Gin Palace, surprise Birthday party invitations, unsupervised social interaction... hang on, 12 days in a row? Now it's starting to sound a bit like mine. Shame.

8:50 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that lovely young lass looks alarmingly like one of your (past??) work collegues...

11:47 am  
Blogger Fatman said...

Puh-leez! If we had a girl looking like that working in my bar I'd spend most of the night trying to convice her to let me impregnate her.

12:24 pm  
Blogger Yawn said...

C'mon Fatman. Secret agency administration work is hard. I mean, I'm slaving away over here significantly raising my chances of early death by stroke or heart attack. If I can eek out a post once a month that generally means I have too much spare time on my hands.

But there is one solution to writer's block that I find very effective: wet pussy.

And Fatman- I hate freaks too, but I don't mind them e-mailing me at an address dedicated for my Nigerian scam artist "pen pals". Some scambaiters are so good they can get money out of the Nigerians!

7:31 am  

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