fatman Find the clues!

Monday, April 17, 2006

Such a Musical Bunch of People

There's been a slight change of characters in the household during the LEVIATHAN Incident. Meg the 21-year old masseuse has moved out of the house ( Happily. There were no temper tantrums or thrown crockery. She just found that living with Darren and I was 'too daggy') and has been replaced by Second-hand Bookstore Steve. Which now means I live with two gay guys. But nerdy gay. For instance, Darren does computer...er...stuff (such as designing websites for people like Julia de Ville who makes jewellry out of the corpses of bats). Steve leaves books by Jacques Derrida around the house that he reads for fun.

(A typical conversation with Steve, Steve's friend Larry and Yours Truly)

Steve:...and the statue was called Thus Spake Zarathustra but it had to be changed because of complaints from the Zoroastrians.
Me: What's a Zoroastrian?
Larry: They're a religious group. Followers of Zarathustra/ Zoroaster.
Steve: They're slowly dying out though. I think they only number about 2,000 or so.
Me: So a bunch of people who number less than Esperanto-speakers complain. Who cares?
Steve: Point. (Pause) They have an interesting burial ritual incidentally. They leave corpses atop high towers so that vultures can peck the body clean.
Larry: How hygienic.
Steve: Well, the first time I saw them was when I went to India. The first day. I was staying in a hotel room that was 2/3rds built and I poked my head out the window to see all these vultures circling around some dead bodies.
Me: Welcome to India.

Still, they are gay. Which creeps into their actions from time-to-time. For instance, the first night Steve moved in I come home to find the electric piano out and Darren and Steve were playing Beatles tunes. Gay. Or they team up with the cooking and make suggestions like: 'Let's put in more oregano!', 'You know what will make this better? Cumin.' Gay. They are also both hopelessly addicted to a PS2 game called We Love Katamari.

Me: So what happens?
Darren: You control this little guy who's about the size of a thimble and you go around with this ball.
Me: Ball?
Darren: Yeah. Ball. But it's this sticky ball that can stick objects the same size or smaller to it (ie. paperclips, pencils, cockroaches, etc). The more you collect the bigger you get so eventually you're sticking tables and chairs...
Steve:...lockers, shelves....
Darren:...people, cars, lions, vending machines, elephants...
Steve:...buildings and so on.
Darren: Eventually you can stick whole continents on your ball.
Me: You guys are gay.

Those wacky Somdomites!


Blogger Fatman said...

Second-hand Bookstore Steve actually read this entry yesterday. 'What do you think of it?' I asked.
'Meh. Gay people are such easy targets.'

Heh heh. Yeah.

So what's it actually like to live with gay people? It's like living with the Village People- a constant costume party. One day I arrived home to find Darren dressed like the Indian Chief. 'Going out?' I asked him.
'No. Why do you ask?'

11:29 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not that I'm not enjoying your more 'traditional' posts, but I have to ask if the Jesus Cloning story is ever coming back. Maybe you could intersperse the odd episode amongst your regular posts? It'd be kinda like your 'itchy and scratchy'. Come to think of it, there was a cloning episode of 'I&S', remember where Itchy set up a Scratchy cloning machine right next to an industrial killing machine so that a Scratchy was being slaughtered roughly once every second? Remember that? Hmm??
Genocide of small, defenceless creatures is such a lark....

12:58 pm  
Blogger Fatman said...

Hey Anonymous (I'm presuming this is the same Anonymous who has been posting a lot of amusing comments of late and not twenty different guys- all of them Anonymous), Look- I think the three fans of the JC cloning fiasco (yourself, Yawn and Gaijin Girl) were just getting into the whole ridiculous scenario when I pulled the plug on the sucker early. That....kind of reminds me of the last time I saw Grandpa...but I digress. Hell, I was getting into it myself but I just looked at the screen one day and thought: If I keep on going this way my psychiatrist is eventually going to read it and be forced to institutionalize me. Or a bunch of random Christians will stumble onto Fat Ramblings and tear my entrails out. I have deliberately kept the "death" of LEVIATHAN vague (the story ends with me shooting torpedos into it's hide with no mention of if it dying necessarily) and I have left the JC Project going. Not to mention the scary JCs that I have mentioned in passing but have yet to flesh out (BASILISK anyone? Fatman's favourite beastie).

6:07 pm  
Blogger Gaijin Girl said...

OK, time for some tough love, Fatman. As one of your biggest fans, if not the Biggest, I want more of the cloning JC stories, or I'll ... um ... erm ... ha! never visit your site again. That'll show you!!

[GG signs out with the random feeling that she is the loser in this scenario.]

10:53 pm  
Anonymous broaddddzilllllla said...

You had a 21-year old masseuse living with you and you let her go? That's hands down the weirdest thing I've read on your site thus far.

Happy birthday, Fats! You'd be forgiven for thinking that I'm a little late with my wishes, but in my time zone it is still April 12. Honestly.

And please, bring back JC.

1:07 am  
Blogger Fatman said...

Fuck! Alright! Jeez-hus! I'll bring back the f-cking JC stories.

(Incidentally the word verification for this comment post was: skzkzpbt.)

5:30 pm  
Blogger Obi Won Kenardly said...

Man oh maaaan! That is just... so... Gay!

2:28 am  
Blogger Obi Won Kenardly said...

what is the difference between Sodomites and Luddites?? Luddites used Spanners!

2:29 am  
Blogger Fatman said...

You are a weird individual.

12:10 pm  

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