fatman Find the clues!

Monday, April 03, 2006

We All Die in the Yellow Submarine

Hunting down the massive cloned Jesus/sea creature LEVIATHAN is....well....it's been a bit duller than I expected quite frankly. After the cool a la Flatliners outro of 'All aboard men. It's a good day to die' I'd expected a high speed underwater chase but so far it's been days of looking baffled at the instruments and playing cards. No one had the foresight to bring any dvds and so everyone is amusing themselves in some other way. Dr Lim is currently working on his autobiography entitled 'Risking Life and Lim' where he basically spends 350-pages blaming me for this little fiasco. Van Cleef spends the nights carving my name on bullets and Terry the one-eyed intern is proving to be quite the virtuoso of a piano accordion. The rest of the Krakenguard spends their time repairing leaks to the submarine Blythe Danner[1] (Damn you "Honest" Vladimir and your shoddy vessel!), making sure we're not lost and getting drunk at night. They had also been playing Spin the Bottle but I have put a stop to that. It was making me uncomfortable.

Known Some Call Is Air Am
Fatman

[1]- Not Pequod nor Nautilus but the Blythe Danner. Go figure.

11 Comments:

Blogger Gaijin Girl said...

Fatman, I love the way your mind works. This is truly inspired stuff!
So what happens next? Hm?

4:44 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can't you write any faster? This isn't 'Lost' for Christ's sake (poor pun intended). We want answers! We want narrative resolution! We want that beast's head on a platter, and its legs lightly battered and served with a rocket and reggiano salad!!

4:31 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can't you write any faster? This isn't 'Lost' for Christ's sake (poor pun intended). We want answers! We want narrative resolution! We want that beast's head on a platter, and its legs lightly battered and served with a rocket and reggiano salad!!

4:32 pm  
Blogger Fatman said...

Thank you Gaijin Girl and both the Anonymouses (Boy you guys sure write alike!) for reading and having the decency to feign a certain amount of interest in my tale...unlike my parole officer.

I've...

a) Not checked/gone to an internet cafe in about a week and;

b) Decided to put an abrupt halt to the 'Cloned Jesus Turns Into A Gigantic Sea Creature' scenario anyway due to actual things happening in my life (such as my 30th birthday next week. And ladies...I'm still single!)and I can't talk about them without destroying the "well-weaved" illusion.

I'm actually only stopping by an internet cafe on the way to visiting my friend Irish Chris so this too shall be very brief.

Until next time friends I bid you adieu!

5:19 pm  
Blogger Fatman said...

Oh, and the 'evil twin of Christ served with a rocket and reggiano salad'- Genius. I hear a side serving of fried "Doubting" Thomas with some soya sauce goes wonderfully.

5:22 pm  
Blogger Yawn said...

After my latest PDE binge I didn't eat for a few days. Now that I've slept and awakened, I'm ravenous. The lightly battered Jesus tentacles sound delicious at this time. Maybe a little malt vinegar and cocktail sauce to give it some extra flavor. Mmmmmm! Yummy!

"Take, eat, this is my body which is given to you..."

"Why thans Jesus- I sure am hungry. Crunch! And my, your tentacles sure do hit the spot!"

11:27 pm  
Blogger Gaijin Girl said...

damn you, fatman, for:

a) putting an abrupt halt to the 'cloned jesus turns into a gigantic sea creature' scenario. i was so getting into that.

b) having a life. Arse!

c) hang on, are you really single?! aaaaaah!

d) happy birthday mate.

2:59 am  
Blogger Fatman said...

Yawn- Yes. God is good. The Son of God has slightly less calories.

Gaijin Girl-
a) LEVIATHAN must die!
b)......you're kidding right?
c) Women tend to fall into two categories with me. Girls who hate me and girls who haven't met me yet.
d) Thanks. I plan to do what I do every year- drink really hard and wake up on a shipping freighter headed for Beijing.

5:10 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What day is your birthday, Fatboy? I'm turning 30 myself next Tuesday.

Fair enough if you feel the need to call an end to the Leviathan bit, but don't even think of halting the Jesus experiments altogether. Sure, you've had a few cock-ups, but aren't some of histories greatest scientific breakthroughs the result of experiments that went horribly, beautifully wrong?

Besides, you're living out our collective fantasies. I mean, who amongst us hasn't always dreamed of playing God with God's spawn? (Sounds like a Christian rock group - Godspawn. Or a Death metal outfit. Either/or.)

1:15 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Btw, sorry about the duplicate comments from before. You could say I had some cloning problems of my own.

You could, if you were really, really bored....

One more thing: You probably don't do requests as you're a Man of Science, not some performer in a swanky but soulless hotel bar. But I have to ask - would you consider for your next experiment cloning Our Lord's dna with your own?

Would be fun, and would certainly introduce some interesting ethical angles to this whole thing....

1:21 pm  
Blogger Fatman said...

Anonymous- I've spent many an evening at soulless hotel bars listening to Godspawn and thinking up of cool creatures to splice into Jesus DNA. But my own? Wow. The mind boggles at the possibilities.

3:43 pm  

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