fatman Find the clues!

Sunday, July 27, 2003

Confessions of a Fat Mind

Some time ago I mentioned that the script writer of 'Anger Management', an Adam Sandler 'romp' was written by a CIA assassin/ Television Personality who had 14 or so kills under his belt and that 'Confessions of a Dangerous Mind' was the film based on his life.
I was wrong.
'Confessions' is about a dude named Barris, ANOTHER CIA agent who was an assassin as well as inventor of several game shows. It is a chilling thought that there are so many CIA "wet arts" specialists who have hosted 'Wheel of Fortune'-type shows. Is the same true of Australia? Is Baby John secretly a mercenary? Is Glenn Ridge proficient in garrote wire?

Breakouts in Brazil.
Apparently in Brazil earlier this week there was a prison guard who decided to have a few beers at a pub near the jail where he worked. Inside, to his surprise, were three of the inmates having a few bevvies. On informing the owner he was told that the three men were regulars. Regulars? These guys regularly broke out of prison, had a few drinks, and then broke back IN to prison. Now, that's cool.

This idea is so wack I wish I had thought of it. Housemate Darren is an RMIT computer lecturer and last week students had to submit ideas for animations. This was the proposal,
'O.K., so there's this guy who works at the Morgue (yawn), but he's a necrophiliac (who isn't?), but he's involved with a zombie who can reciprocate his love.'
Now, that's a guy who's going places... Hollywood or a mental institution I can't decide.

Arty Farty.
Went to a art exhibition of Friday to see Miles' work. There was a lot of shredded up 80's Heavy Metal shirts like Metallica back when they were cool, Iron Maiden,etc,etc,etc. Also the wine was too cheap and sweet for human consumption. But this leads me to Art and from there to a short piece on Art Teachers by Mr.Chris Ware of the Acme Novelty Library catalogue edition..
'Discover the joys and mysteries of your own "creativity" with your own personal art teacher. Let this desperate soul drag you down in his or her personal quest for "grants" and a "tenured position"; learn lots about yourself in the process. Learn that art is either a strange, exotic, inexplicable, mystical activity, or a wholly rational, scientific "investigation", and that "talent" is only an impediment to real expression. Learn that "skill" is only a "seductive affectation" that fakers use to "trick" people in to thinking that they're good. Learn that if you "like" something, you've got to be able to detail and outline exactly why. Learn that "liking something" is bad anyway. Learn that you can't draw pictures of ladies if you're a boy, but, if you're a girl, you can take pictures of your crotch and say it's political and get a "grant" Learn that art teachers don't like it if you get a "grant" and they don't. Learn that all those Renaissan! ce guys were actually perverts and misogynists, and that they abused women with their eyes, and that if you want to learn to draw like them, then you're a woman-hating pervert too. Learn that it's actually easier to take a can of spaghettios and put it on the floor than to make something that might honestly touch someone deeply. Learn that your art teacher likes it when you put a can of spaghettios on the floor because it's a lot easier to talk about than something that is honestly touching. Learn that there are hundreds of people who are ready and willing to write articles about spaghettios on the floor because they learned all the stuff that you are too. Learn that "drawing" is only a "skill" that any moron could learn, and that you should always think about everything before you do it. Learn that your career is a lot more important than entertaining yourself, or entertaining others, and that you should spend every available minute of your dwindling life furthering it. Learn that! it is better to be part of a "movement" than to do things on your own because you can lose yourself in the shuffle if you're not very good at explaining why you can't draw, and why you took pictures of your crotch, and why you put spaghettios on the floor. Lie awake at night and marvel at the richness of your life and how much joy you've derived from not learning how to draw, taking pictures of your crotch, and putting spaghettios on the floor.Learn that if you make stuff that your parents and people who watch a lot of T.V. don't understand, that it must be good. Learn to cultivate a mysterious side-long glance and a knowing smirk whenever people look to you to explain your "work" they don't understand. Learn to make up words that don't mean anything like "historicize", "genderfy" and "intentionality". Learn to use these words when you're talking about "cultural trends" and applying for "grants" or "tenured positions". Learn to...hey, you could even learn to be an art teacher!'

Fatman's Thought of the Day: Getting in touch with your Inner Child sounds like an illegal act. I'm sure it's something pederasts do in their spare time.

I don't want the world, I just want your half,


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