Hunted Once Again

I'm at a cafe in North Melbourne, trying to force down some terrible coffee and gather my thoughts. Gripped by paranoia I scan the cafe patrons to see if anyone notices the shaking of my hands. Who's watching me? That Vincent Price look-a-like with all the hallmarks of Marfan syndrome (concert pianist-fingers, shortness of breath, myopia, curved spine, moustache like the inventor of the Chupa Chups logo)- is he taking notes as he twiddles his moustache? And that guy who just walked by with the hairiest arms I've ever seen on a human being. Could he be a shaved Sasquatch in the employ of the Yawning Anus? There's that chick with the multi-coloured hair that moved in to my old house. Pure coincidence that she should "just happen to be walking her dog"? Well......probably yes...but one can never be too careful.

It looks like it's Wabbit Season once again for Yours Truly. About a month or so ago I accidentally hacked into a secret agency's website while perusing the internet for gerbil-related jokes. Yawning Anus- the Agency in Question- has since placed myself and three other guys on a "To Watch" list and have enlisted the aid of bounty hunters to profile us. I only found out this morning and I felt that cold fear/spine-tingling/feels-like-a-dozen-squids-are-writhing-in-my-stomach and fled to the cafe where I made a list of previous enemies. Just for fun.

Telstra
The telecommunications giant that has had it in for me due to an overdue phone bill. Details of my clashes with them are here, here and here.

Rahu- Hindu Demon
Fatman was once hounded for a month by the Hindu demon of darkness and eclipses who kept texting me bizarre messages. Yeah...tell me about it.
Encounter
The Middle Bit
The End?

That Nerd That I Hassled at An Airport Years Ago Who Invented A Stupid Karaoke Game That Kept Me Up At Night
F-cker.

And now I have a secret agency hounding me. Terrific.
Fatman